I cant believe its July already, this summer in flying by as every summer does.We have been so very busy,with big and little stuff.And were fixing to leave on family vacation with the Mullets after that,the kids and I will be going on down to Sarasota to spend a week or so with my parents.Like I said busy busy:)
I wanted to update because allot of people have been asking me about Hayden and how shes doing.Its been almost 2 months since we seen the doctor and got the news that the infection is back,when we left that appointment the dr said she wouldn't see her again until September when we will schedule surgery .They had hoped it would grow over the summer so it would make it more likely and easier for the surgeon to get ALL the infection out..well it hasn't been doing much growing,and im not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing...I can feel the node in her neck,some days its easier to find other days I have to feel around a bit.But its not popping out and obvious like it has been in the past.Soo were not sure what that means.From what she said,and what I understood ,as long as its in there we will be doing surgery , if it doesn't grow it just makes surgery a little more challenging as far as getting it all out and working around nerves etc.
A few weeks ago-we were all out on the trampoline out back and Hayden was talking to herself as she jumped around Matt and I and we heard her say "and Jesus healed my body" Our eyes got big and Matt looked at me and said "well there you go":) Ive had a had time having faith that she will be healed,i guess cause I haven't really felt like God has given me that,but also because we had faith last spring that this would all go away and when it didn't,it was devastating.Its a tough place to be in..but yesterday I found myself at the alter crying tears that were waiting to come out for a while.And asking God for wisdom,because from the beginning of this all happening I have had one clear message from Him, "im going to use this as part of your ministry,just trust me." Yesterday as a friend prayed over me she said "healing can look different then what we think it will look like" So i continue giving this to God,asking Him to heal her if its His will,if its not the healing we so desire,then help us endure this hard waiting.I believe,with all my heart,that this season we are walking in,God is in control,i know He doesn't like to see us hurt,i know he doesn't like to see us cry but i also know He uses hard situations in our life to make us beautiful,to depend on Him and Him alone,to bring Him glory,if only we are willing. The sweet friend who prayed over me gave me this picture "i see you as a mirrow,that's been broken on the ground,and Jesus is putting all the pieces back together and putting it in a frame.Its going to be beautiful"
I opened my Jesus calling devotional again this morning and seen a devotional i read a year ago tomorrow.. and i just got tears, a year...a whole year . Sometimes the dessert can last so long,we can become to weary,and in that place,the smallest thing seem so hard.But God in all His loving kindess and gentleness...carries us on His shoulders Gives us strength and grants us peace,if we stay focused on Him,if we can only trust Him.
We are growing,we are being strengthened,even if it doesn't feel like it now,i know we'll look back in years to come and think "that was the time God changed us,He brought "this"(whatever this may be) out of that..isn't it awesome?!"
We still have about 2 months till we see the doctor again,allot can change in two months,but my prayer is that either this thing will grow the way the doctors want it to,or that if its Gods will ,she will be healed.Either way,i continue praying that God will give us peace as we wait, its been so hard to wait(its definitely not my area of expertise:))and not know whats really going on in her body.But God has been helping me in that.To be patient and as much as my flesh wants to,to not worry about it.
"Im not longer a slave to fear,I am a child of God"
