Mondays,how I love Mondays. They're fresh, they're the start of something new. Any new goals I make in life,i like to start on a Monday. This morning im feeling all that ,but im also feeling that this Monday means that next week is Matts surgery. This Monday also means that Hayden has a dr appointment this week and again after Matts surgery .But I will say that I am feeling a bit eager for her dr appointment tomorrow. Haydens incision from her 2nd surgery is healing up real nice however we have been noticing over the past week,another lump coming between the two incisions.This morning it seems like its starting to stick out more. Both of her other lumps started out like this,just a lump,after a few weeks they turned pinkish, then they would start to "peel" or look like wrinkly skin over top ,then they would burst.But there is a possibility of this being scar tissue or something...can you tell im tryin to be positive??:) Im hopeing the surgeon can tell us tomorrow if it is the infection acting up again. Im also wanting to know what he's thinking about surgery...yes, no, maybe. Its so hard for me to not know about that part.With Matt having surgery next week and then the possibility of Hayden having surgery soon after Matts...it seems so overwhelming,but maybe that's why God hasn't allowed the surgeon to know for sure about Haydens surgery, so that I don't get more overwhelmed.
Ive found myself a few times,looking over pictures of Hayden when she was starting to sit and crawl and I try to look at her neck, to see if there was a bump there then that I didn't see or even just see what it looked like to not have any marks there...its funny how I think of that stuff now.
Our church service yesterday was just so good and so I felt so much peace being poured into my soul. They were talking about rough times in life and how even in those times God brings you to for a reason,he may be protecting you from something so much worse. I got to sing on the worship team at church yesterday and the one song I sang was "healer"...my voice shook so many times as tears kept wanting to fall..."I believe your my portion I believe you more then enough for me,Jesus your all I need" The pastor challenged us "how many of you really believe that"....and now this morning I have to remind myself of this again...I have asked so many times ,in a stressfull situation,how do you not be stressed? Everyday I lay all this down,but it seems though every day at some point I pick it all back up again.I have to be more aware, maybe I have to pray about it more...and then theres my husband, who takes everything in stride..i wish I was more like that. It was so good for me to talk to a friend at church yesterday who seemed to have gone through exactly what I am, laying it down, picking it up and then having a husband like mine who don't seem to understand that at all:) God gives me strength, when I ask...I just have to remember to ask and not try to do it on my own. And right now is a good time to start, I had my day planned out,tons of wash , a house that is turned upside down, floors that need to be cleaned,and I thought I had the whole day to do it, but husband just called and said he got a bill for the surgery next week that I have to send in to our sharing plan ,I also need to call them and discuss how soon they can send us the check. I do all this at my in laws since they have a fax machine...so my day just got turned around. When I remind myself that things like this are tests, it really helps me to handle it better:) so right now im choosing to not stress about the house or the wash and focus on doing what needs to be done right now. Something that is constantly on my mind this year has been "Gods already there" and this morning I read...
"O Lord,you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise, you perceive my thoughts from afar.You discern my going out and my lying down ,you are familiar with all my ways." Psalm 139:1-3
Praise you Jesus.
I also challenged myself this morning ,after hearing this said at church yesterday "If all you had today,was what you thanked God for this past week,what would you have?"
so my challenge is to be more grateful,for all I have. Whose joining me?:)
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