Lead me to the Rock

Whats on my mind....
Health.
Complete health.
I ,in no way,want to take for granted the health we do have,even Hayden.There are far worse sicknesses then hers.
Sick...my daughter is just that.She has an infection.Shes sick.She has been sick since march .6 months.Maybe that's why today I have felt weak.Maybe that's why ive felt on the verge of tears,overwhelmed and just...done.The past week ive told my husband numerous times...im so done with this! When will it end?  When will things be normal. Hopefully by November Matt will be back at work,but Hayden...Hayden will still be doing treatment.I know im sounding negative.Again,im so thankful its not worse,im thankful her treatment is not chemo,im thankful we do know she is getting better,im thankfull I still have my daughter.
But today,has been one of my hard days.
Those have come,they will come again.
There are days I think "if only it was a year from now...When Hayden will be done with  treatment,i wont always wonder,maybe shes doing this cause of her meds..."but then I think..a year?a year from now my kids will be ,well a year older.Im not ready for them to grow up...I have to enjoy every moment NOW.But its hard to do that when my little girl an hour and half after taking her meds comes running to me crying,holding her head and saying "it hurt it hurt" and when I ask her what hurts she says,"my head ,my ears ,IT HURT!"As she holds her head with both hands.
As I tucked her into bed tonight I simply prayed,"Lord give me wisdom!!!Give me discernment!"
Im crying as I write this.
I just don't know when to be concerned,what means what...
I know if I call my doctor tomorrow and tell her this and that Haydens eyes have been looking really glossy and sick like again,shes going to take her off this med,put her on the other one,which means anoter doctor,more doctor visits...more bills.

Haydens birthday is on Thursday...I keep thinking about that...birthdays are celebrations...celebrating her life. A part of me wants to wait...wait to have a party for her,wait to celebrate..until we  can celebrate this infection being gone...Ive been less excited about this birthday then I have with any of the others...for that reason .i want to celebrate...I want to celebrate her being taken off of her meds I want to celebrate hearing the doctor say "the infection is gone" I want to celebrate seeing her healthy!!but this is her BIRTHDAY.2 years ago she came into this world,The Lord gave her to us and she has lit up our lives ever since. She is one of the greatest blessings we have been given.Maybe that's just what she needs...a little celebration.Maybe that's what I need.

Im writing all this...not to complain...but to simply ask you to pray with me,for wisdom,for strength,and for peace..once again.


All day this verse has been going through my mind...
"When my heart is overwhelmed,lead me to the rock that is higher then I."