Satisfied

I have to write...my fingers want to type yet I don't even know what to say...Ill start by  saying..Hayden is doing well...we don't see any doctors again until end of this month and I don't really know much until then..she is once again on 2 meds and seems to be doing well with them..her appetite has decreased allot but other then that I haven't noticed to uch(shes been on the rifibutin for 2 days now.)Her joyful-ness these days has been..well refreshing.And theres somedays I look at her and think "shes going through so much,yet she makes us laugh so much,and she is the apple of her brothers eye..." shes tiny,but she is amazing to me.
Now let me get to what is going on outside of Haydens case...

Oh Jesus,write this post for me...
Last evening we had church re-organization..baisically ,we got new sunday school teachers etc. They have been saying over and over,"if you feel called ,volunteer,dont wait till someone asks.."well don't ya know...ive been feeling called...and ive been praying about it ALOT.so when they asked for junior girls ages 11-13 sunday school teacher..my heart started pounding, (((Light)))i looked at Matt who was smiling(he knew) and confirmed "you just told me you felt called to this" I yelled out"ill do it" Imediately,thoughts races through my mind(((Darkness))) "your crazy,why are you taking this on? you have too much already!its ganna stress you out!"

                          "Do not doubt in the darkness what you learned in the light"
I know this is something God has been calling me to...for a long time...He has been /is and will equipt me for this.
 "Are you going to trust me?" those words I have heard over and over lately.
Everything seems like a battle right now...I feel like there is a battle for my soul. Jesus wins everytime, but the devil don't stop fighting.
We got home last night and Asher went to let the dog out of the laundrey room and said "um mom,how am I saposed to get out there??" I looked out and our cabnet which was full of glass canned goods had fallen completely off the wall..too much weight I guess..I screamed "NNOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!"

Matt came out and we just stood there,shocked.This was around 10 pm. I wasn't going to ask anyone to come help at that time of night.. so I started cleaning up..Matt kept asking what he can do,but really he couldn't do anything especially with his arm in a sling...I called Matts mom who was sad with me and then said" im going to pray that there will be more jars saved then you think now" as I started cleaning up I was shocked,what looks like total disaster,turned out to be not so bad as far as saved jars...around 1030 I needed to move the cabnit to get to the rest of it,but I couldn't,it was stuck (I was then reminded how badly I need the gym:)) so I text my neighbor ( our neighbors deserve some kind of an award!!)who I had just heard drive in the lane and he came up  and helped me move it out to the garage..by 12 pm I had everything cleaned up .All the jars etc that was out there was sitting on my freezer ,washer and dryer.12:30 I crawled in bed. Feeling grateful as I thought of how bad it could have been had one of the kids been out there or even out little puppy!And grateful for my mother in laws answered prayer that there were more saved jars then I thought there would be.
Mom in law brought us breakfast this morning.But all morning I just felt ...I don't know.Overwhelmed,heavy.I was running around in circles from the time I got up until the kids took naps..wash,dishes,bills,diapers,lunch,dishes again,more wash...somewhere through out all that,my closet door broke off...

 

At this point I felt like it was just test after test...like Job. Then those words again "are you going to trust me?"

Finaly I went back to my bed and just layed there ,I put my phone down and just started praying my arms out ,palms up "Jesus,pour your grace into me,pour your peace into me,pour your love..holy spirit come." such a powerful moment.I pictured Him,over me,pouring into me.Kissing my face.I got up feeling refreshed. And I kept going.A friend text me and said shes bringing me coffee(great news since I was about out!) and right after that Matt told me that we had received some money on our pay pal account.When he told me how much,i cried. I called my mom and told her and between tears she said"i knew this morning was going to be rough for you and I prayed someone would do something for you today." I bawled.i just love my mom!! My friend came with coffee and we sat on the porch for an hour or 2 just talking...EXACTLY what I needed. We cried as we talked about our parents and how special they are. We laughed at the faces her little boy was making, And we beamed as we talked about our kids and how they fill us with joy.It was so good. and now that I think about it...peace and encouragement was being  poured into me while she was here.
 I have seen God, use his people, over and over again over the past couple of months ,to be his hands and feet.Its such a beautiful thing.
Tonight we had supper and after we were done Matt said,"lets go to the park with the kids bikes and get some excersize"we left the dishes and went.After that we decided to go watch Matts nephew and some friends rom churches kids practice football.Around 7 we headed home and our neighbors stopped in a bit. After they left I bathed the kids took a shower and went to let the dog out,i opened the laundrey room door to find my dog on the top step shaking,and about 2 inches of water all over the floor and it was still coming! I called for Matt who ran out to find out hot water heater had rusted out the bottom some how..

He couldn't get the water to stop coming out so we went out by the road,had to dig around till he finally found the lever to turn off all the water. Meanwhile I called Matts dad,cause I knew Matt was going to do something he shouldn't but I didn't have a clue what to do.Matt and I looked at each other,kinda laughed and stood there and just hugged each other as I said "you know I feel like these are just tests,God keeps asking "are you going to trust me" I really didn't know what to pray,but I just said "Jesus Jesus Jesus"

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The spiritual warfare that goes on,is one we don't see ,sometimes we don't feel,but it is constant.We make choices,and I have chosen to trust God,but I feel like satan is constantly trying to make me "pay" for that.I am understanding the sovereignty of God more then I ever have.He is bigger then ALL of this..Darkness is all around. Can I be a light in the midst of it??!I have nothing but to trust God.And I think that's exactly where He wants me right now.I do not enjoy ,nor like ,what we are walking through.But its where He has placed us right now.It could be so uch worseAnd I have learned so much about my savior over the past couple months .He has stretched me,and nothing but good has come from that. We have had bad days,We have had rough moments,but thank Jesus ,they are not constant.He has given us laughter,He has given us fun,most importantly,He has given us each other.And oh how I love my little family.

"Let your song be the song I sing through the blessing and burdens this life will bring in you alone im satisfied."