Its about time for another blog:),I don't know why I don't blog more,i love to write..i love trying to type out what im feeling or thinking about..that being said..
Today im thining about...:)
I have allot on my mind today..which seems to be the case many days. sometimes I feel like my mind needs to take a break..and oh how many times ive told my husband"if you spent a day in my head.."But lets face it...any man would be exhausted being inside any womens mind for a day:)
Over the past week or so,Hayden sarted blinking her eyes really tightly and often..i didn't think much of it at first thinking shes just being silly.Yesterday we were sitting in church and she was relaxed laying against me and I noticed she was doing this..When Matt mentioned it again in a concerned way I decided I had better call the doctor the next day just to be safe.. The one medication she is on,can affect the eyes(Hayden has to see a opthamologist while on this med to make sure her eyes are ok )and the doctor has told us if we see any changes in her to let her know...
however I woke up this morning with a awful toothache.i felt it the weekend but it was dull an di figured it would go away..i know I need to get my wisdom tooth pulled ,but thought I would just wait it out..i guess not no more.
I felt a little panicky this morning..trying to figure out how we would afford me getting my wisdom teeth out after we just found out before Christmas that our health care wouldn't be covering Haydens dr visits or her meds which is of dollars we owe... but then I remembered something....
I sing on the worship team at our church every now and again..definitely a passion of mine..I love it with all my heart and I so enjoy the group I get to sing with.We got together for practice on Thursday night and the worship leader gave me the songs I would be leading on we ran through the one song and I loved singing it...the tune was so beautiful...the words were so powerful
"God I look to you,i wont be overwhelmed,give me vision,to see things like you do.God I look to you ,Your where my help comes from.Give me wisdom,You know just what to do.."
After we sang it my worship leader shared the story of Jen Johnson,the women who wrote this song and how the song came about..
She was driving in her car one morning,after a crazy morning of taking kids here and there,the stresses of work and so on...and she just started singing.."God I look to you,cause im so overwhelmed" she kept singing that when she just felt God lay on her heart.."Stop telling me how your feeling and start proclaiming!!"So she started singing " God I look to you,I WONT BE overwhelmed"
This morning,all morning I felt like I just couldn't get my ducks in a row,do I call the dentist or not,oh yes I need to call Haydens doctor,which should I call first,i don't want the appointments scheduled on the same day...and so on and so on..it don't take much for me ,especially with Haydens health,to get in a bit of a tizzy...but those words kept spewing out of my mouth.."God I look to you,i wont be overwhelmed"and let me just say,i felt the peace of God flooding my mind..And as I kept singing that song...I made the calls..
I have a dentist appointment set up for this evening ,they are going to give me an exam and maybe some xrays and some pain meds to hold me over and then go from there as far as getting the teeth out..As for Hayden,i called the doctor but had to let a message,
im assuming they will want to see her this week Just to make sure its nothing serious.
Oh Jesus,how much you have brought us through over the past year..in March it will be one year since all of this started..February a year ago I had my gullbladder surgery and a month later Hayden got sick...a whole year..thinkin back to when she got sick and we thought it was just virus..that feels like so long ago.and never did we imagine what it actually was.Im so thankful for the doctors who got to the bottom of it all,who helped her get to where she is today and who continue keeping an eye on her and will continue doing so for the next 6 months or so.Im also so thankful for the grace God gives in the midst of our storms...I already look back at Haydens first surgery and wonder how in the world did we get through that..I know I have learned so much...and im so thankful for the way God "equipts" us for when we walk through tough stuff.
I had hoped going in to this new year that this year would be free of all things health related(as far as doctors etc)..other then finishing up Haydens meds..But 12 days into the year im guessing that's not going to be the case.When Matt had his surgery it felt so heavy to me,so much,too much.But I think now,i have i a new pair of glasses on... I wont be overwhelmed.
What do you need today? Proclaim it.
Monday, January 12, 2015
Monday, December 15, 2014
When it dont go as we planned...
"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God,to those who are the called according to His purpose."...
That's the verse that comes to me today..
Matts doctor appointment went great this morning (as we expected it would) The doctor said everything looks great and Matt can do all the things he did before surgery..including playing ball(those of you who know my husband know how happy that made him:)) He does have to be careful when he pulls things with his hands above his head,but other then that,he is back to good!That was such good news for us and he was very happy!
Haydens doctor appointment didn't go as well:( The minute I told doctor Lacroix about the spot on her first scar she got a look on her face.. and as soon as she looked at it she said "we need to keep her on the meds" ..I guess in a small way I was kinda prepared for that..she has stressed to me again and again how aggressive this type of infection is and how we cant take her off of it until we are CERTAIN its gone.. She didn't feel anymore lumps,and that was the first time she hasn't,so that was good...but because of what that scab was doing she said she just don't feel comfortable taking her off of it yet...she wants her to be on treatment for another 2 months and then we will go back,do labs again and hopefully then she can come off.Until then im sapose to call her if I see any little bit of change that area.
This wasn't the news we were hopeing for..I was really excited to start the year with ALL of this behind us for the most part...but its ok..id rather have her stay on the meds a little while longer,then have her come off and it flare up again.So I feel at peace about it..not that I didn't shead a tear or two:) Im glad that part of today is over with,i had allot of headaches the past week and I think its just because of thinking about what the doctor would think and say...God is still working on me in that area...to not take this on myself.Im definitely not perfect in that area.
Another thing im having to deal with allot..as we feel it getting closer and closer to the end of all this for Hayden,i find myself worrying about it coming back..tha was something the doctor said is not uncommon at all...a part of me wishes I didn't know that cause I think of that often..but there again I know that's an area God is telling me to lay down and trust Him...I hate that that is so hard for me to do sometimes..But I must.Its what Hes called me to do...
Thank you all for praying for us !! Please keep praying!
Merry Christmas to all!!!
That's the verse that comes to me today..
Matts doctor appointment went great this morning (as we expected it would) The doctor said everything looks great and Matt can do all the things he did before surgery..including playing ball(those of you who know my husband know how happy that made him:)) He does have to be careful when he pulls things with his hands above his head,but other then that,he is back to good!That was such good news for us and he was very happy!
Haydens doctor appointment didn't go as well:( The minute I told doctor Lacroix about the spot on her first scar she got a look on her face.. and as soon as she looked at it she said "we need to keep her on the meds" ..I guess in a small way I was kinda prepared for that..she has stressed to me again and again how aggressive this type of infection is and how we cant take her off of it until we are CERTAIN its gone.. She didn't feel anymore lumps,and that was the first time she hasn't,so that was good...but because of what that scab was doing she said she just don't feel comfortable taking her off of it yet...she wants her to be on treatment for another 2 months and then we will go back,do labs again and hopefully then she can come off.Until then im sapose to call her if I see any little bit of change that area.
This wasn't the news we were hopeing for..I was really excited to start the year with ALL of this behind us for the most part...but its ok..id rather have her stay on the meds a little while longer,then have her come off and it flare up again.So I feel at peace about it..not that I didn't shead a tear or two:) Im glad that part of today is over with,i had allot of headaches the past week and I think its just because of thinking about what the doctor would think and say...God is still working on me in that area...to not take this on myself.Im definitely not perfect in that area.
Another thing im having to deal with allot..as we feel it getting closer and closer to the end of all this for Hayden,i find myself worrying about it coming back..tha was something the doctor said is not uncommon at all...a part of me wishes I didn't know that cause I think of that often..but there again I know that's an area God is telling me to lay down and trust Him...I hate that that is so hard for me to do sometimes..But I must.Its what Hes called me to do...
Thank you all for praying for us !! Please keep praying!
Merry Christmas to all!!!
Sunday, December 14, 2014
lets get back to normal...
This week has felt more "normal" then it has in a long time. Matt has not been officially cleared to work yet,but he has been working and put in an almost full week this week.Hes being careful:) and isn't over doing it,but tomorrow he goes in to the doctor to hopefully get the official "Ok" and also find out if/how careful he needs to be . I forgot how much I enjoy my days at home with just the kids..not that having him around was terrible...but this week has just been joyful:)
Tomorrow holds allot for us..Matt meets with his doctor and Hayden also meets with the infectious disease doctor , last time we were there she thought hopefully the next time we come we could take her off antibiotics. Im so eager for this.. but also feeling a bit anxious.Im glad she has an appointment tomorrow,the scar from the first surgery started showing a bit of a pussy looking spot, where the drain would have been, about 2 weeks ago,a few nights ago as I was drying her off after her bath,the pussy part came off and now theres a scab there. I don't think its anything to worry about but I just want to talk to the doctor about it since its the first "change" weve seen on her neck since her last surgery.
(the dot on the scar below her ear is where the scab is now.)
Prayers for that would be so much appreciated..Shes very much herself and talks a mile a minute these days.:)Im not doing so well at remembering her medicine morning and evening,but she does pretty well at bedtime reminding me "I need my mecine" when I forget:)
A couple weeks ago I went through all my pictures and put a file for all of Haydens doctor visit pictures,hospital pictures and wound pictures,and planned to do a scrapbook of it all...but everytime I go to start it I just tear up..the memories are to fresh,to raw and im just not ready to "re-live" all that again..its weird how something like this feels so much like a wound to me, a wound I don't want to think much about.It brings to many tears,to many sad feelings..so for now..those pictures will sit there,and maybe once we get the final "infections gone" news,maybe then I can start the book:)
We are looking soo forward to spending Christmas in florida with my parents,matts parents,my grandma,matts grandpa and my oldest sisters family. This was the first year we weren't able to go have our family Christmas in Pa with my family,which was so so hard,but ok at the same time since I knew we'd be with some of them in florida.
God has been so good to us...this year has just been so tough,tougher then anything weve gone through..But never once were we alone.Not only did we feel His presence in our midst..He also used our families ,friends and even complete strangers to be His hands and feet.And it was so clear to us that even the generous ,kind and thoughtful things others did for us,was actually Him reminding us that He hasn't left our side...We cant say thanks enough to everyone whose walked this journey with us,who kept us on our feet while Matt wasn't working.Weve talked about how much we have learned through all this.What others have done for us so much as to how we can help others as well. "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" brings a whole new meaning to us...to help those in need,to actually DO things and not just offer,and that even things that may seem small,bringing a bag of coffee, spending the day at our house making food and laughing, buying bandaids for surgery scars and so many more,bring a tremendous amount of joy just as much as anything else would.
I will post again, hopefully soon, after the doctor visits tomorrow ,but with Christmas just around the corner our schedule is CRAZY ...so you never know when ill get it done,this post ive been working on for 4 days:) Thanks for reading! And if you think about us tomorrow please pray!
Tomorrow holds allot for us..Matt meets with his doctor and Hayden also meets with the infectious disease doctor , last time we were there she thought hopefully the next time we come we could take her off antibiotics. Im so eager for this.. but also feeling a bit anxious.Im glad she has an appointment tomorrow,the scar from the first surgery started showing a bit of a pussy looking spot, where the drain would have been, about 2 weeks ago,a few nights ago as I was drying her off after her bath,the pussy part came off and now theres a scab there. I don't think its anything to worry about but I just want to talk to the doctor about it since its the first "change" weve seen on her neck since her last surgery.
Prayers for that would be so much appreciated..Shes very much herself and talks a mile a minute these days.:)Im not doing so well at remembering her medicine morning and evening,but she does pretty well at bedtime reminding me "I need my mecine" when I forget:)
A couple weeks ago I went through all my pictures and put a file for all of Haydens doctor visit pictures,hospital pictures and wound pictures,and planned to do a scrapbook of it all...but everytime I go to start it I just tear up..the memories are to fresh,to raw and im just not ready to "re-live" all that again..its weird how something like this feels so much like a wound to me, a wound I don't want to think much about.It brings to many tears,to many sad feelings..so for now..those pictures will sit there,and maybe once we get the final "infections gone" news,maybe then I can start the book:)
We are looking soo forward to spending Christmas in florida with my parents,matts parents,my grandma,matts grandpa and my oldest sisters family. This was the first year we weren't able to go have our family Christmas in Pa with my family,which was so so hard,but ok at the same time since I knew we'd be with some of them in florida.
God has been so good to us...this year has just been so tough,tougher then anything weve gone through..But never once were we alone.Not only did we feel His presence in our midst..He also used our families ,friends and even complete strangers to be His hands and feet.And it was so clear to us that even the generous ,kind and thoughtful things others did for us,was actually Him reminding us that He hasn't left our side...We cant say thanks enough to everyone whose walked this journey with us,who kept us on our feet while Matt wasn't working.Weve talked about how much we have learned through all this.What others have done for us so much as to how we can help others as well. "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" brings a whole new meaning to us...to help those in need,to actually DO things and not just offer,and that even things that may seem small,bringing a bag of coffee, spending the day at our house making food and laughing, buying bandaids for surgery scars and so many more,bring a tremendous amount of joy just as much as anything else would.
I will post again, hopefully soon, after the doctor visits tomorrow ,but with Christmas just around the corner our schedule is CRAZY ...so you never know when ill get it done,this post ive been working on for 4 days:) Thanks for reading! And if you think about us tomorrow please pray!
(Just cause it was to precious not to post)
Thursday, November 20, 2014
Excitement...
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.(2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
Its been a while since I posted..maybe it was because I really didn't feel like I had anything good to say..it seems as though over the past month or so,i have felt like ive been drowning.I lost my focuse,I left myself feel defeated.And it was not a good place to be in.Im thankful for a Father who reminds me that no matter how I feel,His love is constant,and always shining on me.I thankful for His faithfulness and for His understanding.I have felt myself coming out of the "slump" over the past week.. Last week my mom was here for a few days.We had Ashers birthday party the night she came(even though his birthday isn't until the 23rd) and the next day we went to Haydens doctor appointment in Greenville with Dr Lacroix.That morning as I was getting dressed I was praying and I felt like I heard God saying "your coming out" I loved the sound of that but I had a hard time really believing it all...Well the appointment felt like confirmation to that..Dr Lacroix was so impressed as she felt like the nodes had gotten allot smaller since the last time.I was excited to hear this but not expecting much more to be said but then she asked about our deductible and when it starts over for the next year,i said January and she replied,"ok well lets leave her on antibiotics another month,come in here dec 15th and we will do blood work again and if everything is clear we will take her off.After that I still want to see you every couple of months just to make sure nothing is growing." I got tears.i literally wanted to squeeze her.
Mom was here till thrusday that week and we had such a fun and relaxing time together.My mom is just so amazing and our relationship is so very special to me.The time we had together here was so good for me.
(Mom made Hayden the most adorable little scarf)
Thursday Matt met with his Dr. and again MORE good news! Dr Kana wants to see Matt again in a month(same day as Haydens appointment:))And he thinks after that Matt can slowly start working again..He did say it will take Matt a month or two before he can work full time and he will have to be slow about doing heavy lifting.
The end is in sight,Lord willing! I find it hard to get my hopes up even so,but im trusting God..His timing is perfect
The holidays definitely have brought allot of cheer around here as well..last weekend I put up my Christmas decorations and something about that just brings sucha cozy warm feeling(Matt would disagree since its not thanksgiving yet) But next weekend it what were really excited about..my best friend and her husband gave us money ,over our anniversary in august,to go to a Clemson football game,instead of them buying the tickets they left it up to us which game we wanted to go to...We decided to make it a weekend getaway and used his parents time share to get a motel and stay fri-sun. The kids are staying with Matts sisters family. I cant even tell you how excited I am about all this.Matt and I have been together 24/7 now for the past 4 months,and its had its share of trying times in our marriage.Along with many many good times as well. When we found out about Matts surgery I asked a few of my closest friends to commit to praying for our marriage over the next couple months while hes off work...especially with the stress of Haydens situation,finances,him being home all the time, the list could go on,i knew this wasn't going to be easy,it wouldn't have been easy if it was just Matts situation.My mother on law challenged me then "protect your marriage" those words have rung in my ears and im so thankful she spoke that to me. I feel like this getaway is just that,time for us to be alone,enjoying each others presence,having fun and forgetting about the rest.i am excited.We are closer then weve ever been, I feel and We have learned a ton about communicating for sure.All a part of Gods plan,i know this is true.
So,we eagerly await December 15th,praying for continual and complete healing for Hayden and Matt and of course ,praying that 2015,which is rapidly approaching,is our best year yet.:)
Its been a while since I posted..maybe it was because I really didn't feel like I had anything good to say..it seems as though over the past month or so,i have felt like ive been drowning.I lost my focuse,I left myself feel defeated.And it was not a good place to be in.Im thankful for a Father who reminds me that no matter how I feel,His love is constant,and always shining on me.I thankful for His faithfulness and for His understanding.I have felt myself coming out of the "slump" over the past week.. Last week my mom was here for a few days.We had Ashers birthday party the night she came(even though his birthday isn't until the 23rd) and the next day we went to Haydens doctor appointment in Greenville with Dr Lacroix.That morning as I was getting dressed I was praying and I felt like I heard God saying "your coming out" I loved the sound of that but I had a hard time really believing it all...Well the appointment felt like confirmation to that..Dr Lacroix was so impressed as she felt like the nodes had gotten allot smaller since the last time.I was excited to hear this but not expecting much more to be said but then she asked about our deductible and when it starts over for the next year,i said January and she replied,"ok well lets leave her on antibiotics another month,come in here dec 15th and we will do blood work again and if everything is clear we will take her off.After that I still want to see you every couple of months just to make sure nothing is growing." I got tears.i literally wanted to squeeze her.
(me mom and Hayden at the doctors office)
(shes a pro at all this.getting weighed)
(time for another check up)
Haydens scars look better every week...hopefully plastic surgery will not be necessary to fix it up at all.
When she has her hair up,its more noticeable but still able to cover it up pretty well with little strands:)
Mom was here till thrusday that week and we had such a fun and relaxing time together.My mom is just so amazing and our relationship is so very special to me.The time we had together here was so good for me.
(the kids were so sad to see her go and Asher has reminded me every day since then that hes just so sad to be missing mimi)
Thursday Matt met with his Dr. and again MORE good news! Dr Kana wants to see Matt again in a month(same day as Haydens appointment:))And he thinks after that Matt can slowly start working again..He did say it will take Matt a month or two before he can work full time and he will have to be slow about doing heavy lifting.
The end is in sight,Lord willing! I find it hard to get my hopes up even so,but im trusting God..His timing is perfect
The holidays definitely have brought allot of cheer around here as well..last weekend I put up my Christmas decorations and something about that just brings sucha cozy warm feeling(Matt would disagree since its not thanksgiving yet) But next weekend it what were really excited about..my best friend and her husband gave us money ,over our anniversary in august,to go to a Clemson football game,instead of them buying the tickets they left it up to us which game we wanted to go to...We decided to make it a weekend getaway and used his parents time share to get a motel and stay fri-sun. The kids are staying with Matts sisters family. I cant even tell you how excited I am about all this.Matt and I have been together 24/7 now for the past 4 months,and its had its share of trying times in our marriage.Along with many many good times as well. When we found out about Matts surgery I asked a few of my closest friends to commit to praying for our marriage over the next couple months while hes off work...especially with the stress of Haydens situation,finances,him being home all the time, the list could go on,i knew this wasn't going to be easy,it wouldn't have been easy if it was just Matts situation.My mother on law challenged me then "protect your marriage" those words have rung in my ears and im so thankful she spoke that to me. I feel like this getaway is just that,time for us to be alone,enjoying each others presence,having fun and forgetting about the rest.i am excited.We are closer then weve ever been, I feel and We have learned a ton about communicating for sure.All a part of Gods plan,i know this is true.
So,we eagerly await December 15th,praying for continual and complete healing for Hayden and Matt and of course ,praying that 2015,which is rapidly approaching,is our best year yet.:)
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Thankfulness...
Its funny how things happen through out the weeks and I think to myself "I need to put that on the blog" and now that I pulled it open to actually blog I have to go back and try to remember those things..
im going to start with the Dr appointment we had with the surgeon 2 weeks ago... I forgot that I wasn't going to be meeting with Dr Abrams but with his PE who was taking his patients while he was on vacation...she's a sweet lady but I always like speaking with
Dr Abrams more since he has been with us since the beginning and I know he knows a lot more about it all...anyways,she checked the scars and said everything looks great and that she thought were out of the woods as far as another surgery..i don't mean to sounds negative in any way,but it didn't mean a whole lot hearing that from her since Dr Lacroix is the one who knows more about the infection side of it all and is the one to make that call... The PE also said she didn't think she could really feel those other lumps Dr Lacroix felt..again..didn't get my hopes up.She did say that theres a good possibility that when Hayden gets sick, colds,flu etc that theres a good chance her nodes will swell up again.That scared me a little because if you remember,that how all this started...a little cold,a little swelling in which the Dr's thought would all go down...but I have chosen im not going to fear that. But when we went to leave she said the most wonderful news.."this is your last appointment scheduled with us unless Dr lacroix needs her to see us again" and when i left i didn't have to schedule another one.....i could have jumped for joy!!one less dr appointment to deal with!!!
With the weather getting cold and flus etc starting I have been doing extra as far as tryin to keep her from getting sick..i use essential oils on her mostly everyday,i give her a really good pro-biotic (plexus...awesome awsome stuff!) and I also am giving her a pill to help her bowel movements(also plexus) since she seems to be getting stopped up allot.I feel really good about the stuff im giving her and feel its definitely helping.Im also taking the plexus stuff since ive been having allot of troubles with rashes on my skin over the past year...and as of right now,i have no rashes at all!PTL.
2 weeks ago I was having a really really rough week...my sister and I talked allot over that time as she would call me to check up on me..i could tell when she called that she was really asking questions trying to read me on how I was doing..which was...well,not good.I have only felt that way a few times in my life and that's after my babies are born,i have had post partum with both (worse after Hayden was born) and that's how I described it to Karen..i started just feeling so down...so burned out..so weak and just sad..something I do not normally feel!I blogged about this last time.i kept telling my sister she should come spend the weekend with me end of November since Matt decided to join his ball team and go to florida for a tournament.I really wanted him to do this,of course he couldn't play but he could be around the guys,coach and do the scorebook.But I was not excited about staying home alone with the kids,especially not with how I was feeling.Well after about a week of me just feeling so down,my sister called and said to find plane tickets to come up for 10 days and they would pay for the trip...I wasn't really into traveling again since we have been gone allot since Matts surgery but after thinking about it a bit I decided I would drive instead(flying stresses me with my 2 kids) so 4 days later the kids and I packed up and headed to Pa to stay with my sisters family.We had SUCH a good time!! My sister and her husband spoiled us.And I even go to work a day while I was there.I didn't know how much I needed that time...to be with my sisters and brothers,to be away from my husband a little,i know that sounds bad,but being together 24/7 for the past 2 months has had its challenges.We came home yesterday after being there for 10 days and I have not felt this refreshed in a while.
Today in church we sang a song ...and it hit me in a new way "oh im running to your arms,im running to your arms,the riches of you love will always be enough.." this past year I have felt things that ive never felt before...almost as though "someone" was tryin to rob me of my joy..and there have been days I feel im loosing in that battle..there have been days I just feel so incredibly week...week as in,im going to loose it..litereally im going to fall apart.there have been days I have felt anger for no reason except that im just so tired...tired of battleing...and even though God has reminded me again and again... this is just a test..God WILL be glorified ,and again and again I am reminded of Job(although my situation is nothing compared to Job)... there are days I just feel so ungrateful..ungratefull that all this is happening,ungrateful that I have had to watch my 1 year old daughter spend more time in a hospital then I ever have.ungratefull that my normally hard working husband can not work at all right now..ungratefully that these two things had to happen over the same time...ungrateful that my happy little life that I was just living a year ago is now turned around and ungratefull that somedays I don't even recognize who I am because I am not an ungrateful kind of person....but then when we sang these words..."the riches of Your love,will ALWAYS be enough" i can't be ungratefull...Thank you Jesus that you love me...that none of this changes that fact...thank you that my little girl is getting better..thank you that this will come to an end.thank you that today as we ate out with family,someone handed my not working husband money to pay for our lunch.thank you that weve been able to take trips that have all been completely paid for !thank you that we got so much free food to put in the freezer while in pa..thank you that there is medicine to help my daughter get better,thank you that we have not had to stress about our finances.
Thankfullness always trumphs un-thankfulness.Isnt God GOOD??!!!!
I cant believe its November already!! Weve been so busy and that has been such a blessing...weve got to go to pa twice,florida once and church camping and all of those were paid for by family or friends that just decided to.THAT has been awesome.. we had our anniversary in august and didn't really get to celebrate but a very special couple gave us tickets to go to a Clemson football game end of this month,Matts parents have time share and with that we were able to get a motel and now have planned to spend the weekend there.to say we are excited is an understatement..we have not gone away for overnight without the kids since ..well im really not sure...im thinking it was when Asher was a baby.:/I think that will be soo good for us and yes...im just really excited:) My mom has decided to come see us next weekend..that was just planned as well and is giving me something to look forward to over the next week..Ashers birthday is the 23rd of this month so i think we'll try to have his party while shes here.November will be yet another busy month for us and were all ok with that:)
Hayden has a dr appointment tomorrow with Dr lacroix,although im going to try to change that in the morning to next week while moms here so we can spend the day in Greenville and since i just go home and have so much to do tomorrow. I once again and am excited to meet with Dr Lacroix,see whats changed,if anything,and see how long shes thinking for Haydens meds yet.i always have allot of questions and she always is so willing to give answers.
I challenged my sunday school class this morning to this...Put a piece of paper by your bed,and for the month of November,everyday write one thing your thankful for..has to be something different every day.Im excited to join them in this! Whose with me?!:)
im going to start with the Dr appointment we had with the surgeon 2 weeks ago... I forgot that I wasn't going to be meeting with Dr Abrams but with his PE who was taking his patients while he was on vacation...she's a sweet lady but I always like speaking with
Dr Abrams more since he has been with us since the beginning and I know he knows a lot more about it all...anyways,she checked the scars and said everything looks great and that she thought were out of the woods as far as another surgery..i don't mean to sounds negative in any way,but it didn't mean a whole lot hearing that from her since Dr Lacroix is the one who knows more about the infection side of it all and is the one to make that call... The PE also said she didn't think she could really feel those other lumps Dr Lacroix felt..again..didn't get my hopes up.She did say that theres a good possibility that when Hayden gets sick, colds,flu etc that theres a good chance her nodes will swell up again.That scared me a little because if you remember,that how all this started...a little cold,a little swelling in which the Dr's thought would all go down...but I have chosen im not going to fear that. But when we went to leave she said the most wonderful news.."this is your last appointment scheduled with us unless Dr lacroix needs her to see us again" and when i left i didn't have to schedule another one.....i could have jumped for joy!!one less dr appointment to deal with!!!
With the weather getting cold and flus etc starting I have been doing extra as far as tryin to keep her from getting sick..i use essential oils on her mostly everyday,i give her a really good pro-biotic (plexus...awesome awsome stuff!) and I also am giving her a pill to help her bowel movements(also plexus) since she seems to be getting stopped up allot.I feel really good about the stuff im giving her and feel its definitely helping.Im also taking the plexus stuff since ive been having allot of troubles with rashes on my skin over the past year...and as of right now,i have no rashes at all!PTL.
2 weeks ago I was having a really really rough week...my sister and I talked allot over that time as she would call me to check up on me..i could tell when she called that she was really asking questions trying to read me on how I was doing..which was...well,not good.I have only felt that way a few times in my life and that's after my babies are born,i have had post partum with both (worse after Hayden was born) and that's how I described it to Karen..i started just feeling so down...so burned out..so weak and just sad..something I do not normally feel!I blogged about this last time.i kept telling my sister she should come spend the weekend with me end of November since Matt decided to join his ball team and go to florida for a tournament.I really wanted him to do this,of course he couldn't play but he could be around the guys,coach and do the scorebook.But I was not excited about staying home alone with the kids,especially not with how I was feeling.Well after about a week of me just feeling so down,my sister called and said to find plane tickets to come up for 10 days and they would pay for the trip...I wasn't really into traveling again since we have been gone allot since Matts surgery but after thinking about it a bit I decided I would drive instead(flying stresses me with my 2 kids) so 4 days later the kids and I packed up and headed to Pa to stay with my sisters family.We had SUCH a good time!! My sister and her husband spoiled us.And I even go to work a day while I was there.I didn't know how much I needed that time...to be with my sisters and brothers,to be away from my husband a little,i know that sounds bad,but being together 24/7 for the past 2 months has had its challenges.We came home yesterday after being there for 10 days and I have not felt this refreshed in a while.
Today in church we sang a song ...and it hit me in a new way "oh im running to your arms,im running to your arms,the riches of you love will always be enough.." this past year I have felt things that ive never felt before...almost as though "someone" was tryin to rob me of my joy..and there have been days I feel im loosing in that battle..there have been days I just feel so incredibly week...week as in,im going to loose it..litereally im going to fall apart.there have been days I have felt anger for no reason except that im just so tired...tired of battleing...and even though God has reminded me again and again... this is just a test..God WILL be glorified ,and again and again I am reminded of Job(although my situation is nothing compared to Job)... there are days I just feel so ungrateful..ungratefull that all this is happening,ungrateful that I have had to watch my 1 year old daughter spend more time in a hospital then I ever have.ungratefull that my normally hard working husband can not work at all right now..ungratefully that these two things had to happen over the same time...ungrateful that my happy little life that I was just living a year ago is now turned around and ungratefull that somedays I don't even recognize who I am because I am not an ungrateful kind of person....but then when we sang these words..."the riches of Your love,will ALWAYS be enough" i can't be ungratefull...Thank you Jesus that you love me...that none of this changes that fact...thank you that my little girl is getting better..thank you that this will come to an end.thank you that today as we ate out with family,someone handed my not working husband money to pay for our lunch.thank you that weve been able to take trips that have all been completely paid for !thank you that we got so much free food to put in the freezer while in pa..thank you that there is medicine to help my daughter get better,thank you that we have not had to stress about our finances.
Thankfullness always trumphs un-thankfulness.Isnt God GOOD??!!!!
I cant believe its November already!! Weve been so busy and that has been such a blessing...weve got to go to pa twice,florida once and church camping and all of those were paid for by family or friends that just decided to.THAT has been awesome.. we had our anniversary in august and didn't really get to celebrate but a very special couple gave us tickets to go to a Clemson football game end of this month,Matts parents have time share and with that we were able to get a motel and now have planned to spend the weekend there.to say we are excited is an understatement..we have not gone away for overnight without the kids since ..well im really not sure...im thinking it was when Asher was a baby.:/I think that will be soo good for us and yes...im just really excited:) My mom has decided to come see us next weekend..that was just planned as well and is giving me something to look forward to over the next week..Ashers birthday is the 23rd of this month so i think we'll try to have his party while shes here.November will be yet another busy month for us and were all ok with that:)
Hayden has a dr appointment tomorrow with Dr lacroix,although im going to try to change that in the morning to next week while moms here so we can spend the day in Greenville and since i just go home and have so much to do tomorrow. I once again and am excited to meet with Dr Lacroix,see whats changed,if anything,and see how long shes thinking for Haydens meds yet.i always have allot of questions and she always is so willing to give answers.
I challenged my sunday school class this morning to this...Put a piece of paper by your bed,and for the month of November,everyday write one thing your thankful for..has to be something different every day.Im excited to join them in this! Whose with me?!:)
Friday, October 17, 2014
Emotions,Rollercoasters, and Trusting
I have felt soooo emotional over the past week...Womens conference was soo very good!!on Friday evening they had a time of sharing,it went against every thing in my body to share but I felt God was just urging me to..after battleing it for a while I finally picked up the mic. and shared a bit of my story and how I have been feeling... my last sentence was "I know this Is all a part of the journey God has us on but I cant help but just wish it ..."and I couldn't say any more...now this is the part where God just leads his children.The lady in charge immediately "I think we need some ladies to surround her and lets just pray" and that's what they did..and oh what a precious,healing time it was...during that time the same lady who lead all this looked at me and said(something like this) "I feel like its time for you to grieve..God is pleased with you!But its ok to grieve,cause this is a loss,its a loss of health.Its ok for you to be angry about this,to be sad...just be real with God."
I have struggled with this..so bad.My view on all this has been "it could be worse."and anytime that I have felt sad about this I remind myself of that and make myself snap out of it.But when she told me that...it was almost like all my walls came crashing down,like everything around me disappeared and all I could see was our situation and God...Everyone has there own journey,this is ours.
Let me be honest with you ....
let me be raw....
This.is.hard.
This year,has been so hard.and even though the surgerys are over(although Haydens not out of the woods yet on another surgery)to me,it feels like we are right in the middle of it all...
After this weekend,i have been sooo emotional.Sunday i just cried...Monday I just felt so down.and even thought at one point "this feels like how i feel when I have post-partum depression..what is wrong with me??!!"had a headache from Friday night to Monday night.And on and off after that.finally last evening I went and got a massage...The lady I go to is ..well incredible!a women of faith..and I think God set all this up...Mom in law couldn't make it to her massage appointment ,so she gave it to me...and even though I felt like I probably shouldn't spend money on a massage I decided to "just do it"...The masseuse and I just talked...started out talking about essential oils and how they were used I the bible times..talked about our heavenly dreams and then she asked me about my family...she knew bits and pieces of it all...but as I was telling her this and how I feel my headache is tension related cause its all in my shoulders/neck area, I said" I don't know how to not stress...I try to give it to God everyday but the things that go through my head seem so legit for me to think about..things like did I give Hayden her meds today? I wonder if I could skip a couple days and try to let her immune system build up?is she acting like this from her meds?Is that a bump on her neck again or is that jus scar tissue? Whens my next dr appointment,cause they will be able to tell?does she have diaper rash again?stupid meds!:/ ..and the list goes on...do I just not think about that stuff??How does a mother not think about that stuff??
Just talking about this stuff was good for me..getting it off my chest.Even though she didn't really have the answers.. anyways after my wonderfullllllll hour long massage and even having me move around to make sure the knots were gone,I went to pay...normally I pay 45 for an hour...she only charged me 25...Pretty cool right??:)
This morning I decided I wanted to blog..about my weekend my week...and how emotional and rough its been and it dawned on me...maybe ive been feeling the way I have because im grieving...maybe this is just that..
But just as I was feeling a bit "alone" Someone handed me a envelope last night,from some friends from pa,a giftcard to our favorite restaurant in town...and then someone else gave a beautiful bag along with a check...and it was just the "boost" I needed.
God has just been asking me to be real with Him...and its hard for me to be real and yet still feel like im trusting him..you know?like does it make sence to say "God this is so hard,this really sucks.im tired of this.but I trust you..you know best." I think that's something God is teaching me...the middle ground in that.Ill let you know how that turns out:)
Hayden meets with the surgeon on Tuesday.She hasn't seen him for 6 weeks..im a little nervous to be honest,after what the ID doctor felt when we were there 2 weeks ago...but at the same time im excited.To see what he has to say...hes usually really honest with me and I appreciate that so much.
Someone asked me over the weekend how Hayden is...honestly,if you didn't know wht was going on,youd think she wasa normal healthy kid..if your my friend on facebook and see the videos I post of her..shes a real hoot...but like any kid she has her days..there again I think "bad day cause of meds and infection or just normal bad toddler day?":)She has been complaining of her neck hurting lately again..not sure what that's about...
As for Asher...he turns 4 next month...Hes a growing boy!!I have to remind myself when he has his outbreaks..that he too has been through allot the past couple months..Hayden gets allot of attention just cause were very aware of her infection etc...im learning though that Ashers love language I think is quality time..well that and physical touch.so weve been trying to do more with just him..although right now that just looks like...sitting on the chair holding him ,reading to just him etc..Im so proud of him though..he and hayden don't always get along but he is protective of her and when shes not feeling well,hes right there to help take care of her.
Matt had a doctor appointment end of last week and is now out of his sling(I cant remember if I wrote about this or not??!) after a long 9 weeks of being in it...however the doctor said he is not allowed to lift ANYTHING except a cell phone:)He also said he wont release Matt to work before December..even then its not for sure...
Ill end with this.. a verse someone shared with me at conference and its my verses from till till all this is over...
Isaiah 43 :18-19
Forget the former things,do not dwell on the past.See I am doing a new thing.Now it springs up,do you not perceive it?I am making a way in the dessert and and streams in the wasteland.
When think about that...this is all a part of God making streams in the wasteland...its just so encouraging to me...
something that's been on my mind allot this week..my friends who have been sticking by me...my family and husband especially....and you who continue reading my blog and praying for us...you are so treasured!thank you !
I have struggled with this..so bad.My view on all this has been "it could be worse."and anytime that I have felt sad about this I remind myself of that and make myself snap out of it.But when she told me that...it was almost like all my walls came crashing down,like everything around me disappeared and all I could see was our situation and God...Everyone has there own journey,this is ours.
Let me be honest with you ....
let me be raw....
This.is.hard.
This year,has been so hard.and even though the surgerys are over(although Haydens not out of the woods yet on another surgery)to me,it feels like we are right in the middle of it all...
After this weekend,i have been sooo emotional.Sunday i just cried...Monday I just felt so down.and even thought at one point "this feels like how i feel when I have post-partum depression..what is wrong with me??!!"had a headache from Friday night to Monday night.And on and off after that.finally last evening I went and got a massage...The lady I go to is ..well incredible!a women of faith..and I think God set all this up...Mom in law couldn't make it to her massage appointment ,so she gave it to me...and even though I felt like I probably shouldn't spend money on a massage I decided to "just do it"...The masseuse and I just talked...started out talking about essential oils and how they were used I the bible times..talked about our heavenly dreams and then she asked me about my family...she knew bits and pieces of it all...but as I was telling her this and how I feel my headache is tension related cause its all in my shoulders/neck area, I said" I don't know how to not stress...I try to give it to God everyday but the things that go through my head seem so legit for me to think about..things like did I give Hayden her meds today? I wonder if I could skip a couple days and try to let her immune system build up?is she acting like this from her meds?Is that a bump on her neck again or is that jus scar tissue? Whens my next dr appointment,cause they will be able to tell?does she have diaper rash again?stupid meds!:/ ..and the list goes on...do I just not think about that stuff??How does a mother not think about that stuff??
Just talking about this stuff was good for me..getting it off my chest.Even though she didn't really have the answers.. anyways after my wonderfullllllll hour long massage and even having me move around to make sure the knots were gone,I went to pay...normally I pay 45 for an hour...she only charged me 25...Pretty cool right??:)
This morning I decided I wanted to blog..about my weekend my week...and how emotional and rough its been and it dawned on me...maybe ive been feeling the way I have because im grieving...maybe this is just that..
But just as I was feeling a bit "alone" Someone handed me a envelope last night,from some friends from pa,a giftcard to our favorite restaurant in town...and then someone else gave a beautiful bag along with a check...and it was just the "boost" I needed.
God has just been asking me to be real with Him...and its hard for me to be real and yet still feel like im trusting him..you know?like does it make sence to say "God this is so hard,this really sucks.im tired of this.but I trust you..you know best." I think that's something God is teaching me...the middle ground in that.Ill let you know how that turns out:)
Hayden meets with the surgeon on Tuesday.She hasn't seen him for 6 weeks..im a little nervous to be honest,after what the ID doctor felt when we were there 2 weeks ago...but at the same time im excited.To see what he has to say...hes usually really honest with me and I appreciate that so much.
Someone asked me over the weekend how Hayden is...honestly,if you didn't know wht was going on,youd think she wasa normal healthy kid..if your my friend on facebook and see the videos I post of her..shes a real hoot...but like any kid she has her days..there again I think "bad day cause of meds and infection or just normal bad toddler day?":)She has been complaining of her neck hurting lately again..not sure what that's about...
As for Asher...he turns 4 next month...Hes a growing boy!!I have to remind myself when he has his outbreaks..that he too has been through allot the past couple months..Hayden gets allot of attention just cause were very aware of her infection etc...im learning though that Ashers love language I think is quality time..well that and physical touch.so weve been trying to do more with just him..although right now that just looks like...sitting on the chair holding him ,reading to just him etc..Im so proud of him though..he and hayden don't always get along but he is protective of her and when shes not feeling well,hes right there to help take care of her.
Matt had a doctor appointment end of last week and is now out of his sling(I cant remember if I wrote about this or not??!) after a long 9 weeks of being in it...however the doctor said he is not allowed to lift ANYTHING except a cell phone:)He also said he wont release Matt to work before December..even then its not for sure...
Ill end with this.. a verse someone shared with me at conference and its my verses from till till all this is over...
Isaiah 43 :18-19
Forget the former things,do not dwell on the past.See I am doing a new thing.Now it springs up,do you not perceive it?I am making a way in the dessert and and streams in the wasteland.
When think about that...this is all a part of God making streams in the wasteland...its just so encouraging to me...
something that's been on my mind allot this week..my friends who have been sticking by me...my family and husband especially....and you who continue reading my blog and praying for us...you are so treasured!thank you !
Thursday, October 9, 2014
Singing lips...
Everyday I wake up I think..todays a new day..
Jesus,today i thank you for fresh starts,for crisp mornings,for the energy I felt to crawl out of bed this morning.For my sister in law who drove in this morning and is staying with me for the weekend,for the tiny bit of peace and quite I am having right now as she took my kids out for a bit.Lord You just know...exactly what I need,exactly when I need it.That gives me every reason to trust you...You are all-knowing.Thank you.
I cannot even say how busy I have been...I feel like im in constant go mode!We had church camping 2 weeks ago(was that already 2 weeks??!!)What a good time we had,being with our church people,and just being in the outdoors.We all had such a great time.We came home from that and 2 days later Hayden had 2 dr appointments in Greenville.Her first appointment was with her new eye doctor she has to see because of the med shes on and the side effect it can have.We were soo happy to hear that not only are her eyes fine,but we don't have to go back again until February!(we were expecting to have to go monthly or even weekly.)After that we went to we infectious disease doctor. She was hapy to hear that Hayden is doing really well on her new med.Hayden seems to like dr Lacroix a little more everytime we go in and this time she was more then willing to let her feel around her neck area. Dr Lacoix said she thinks the nodes are melting but she still feels infected nodes in there, one is right behind her first surgery scar and then behind her 2nd scar she felt a clump of them(she said it feels like shes rolling her fingers over some grapes)the clump is the one we will watch. She didn't want to see her again until November(ptl for us!) but wants us to keep a close eye on it and if we see any change to bring her in right away. The part of not having to come back for a while was good news...the part about her still feeling them..not so much.That just means ,they are still there and from my understanding also means that were still looking at another at least 10 months on treatment. Oh how I HATE to think about that,and what all this treatment is doing to her tiny little body...We have an appointment with the surgeon again in a week and a half..and im curious to see what he thinks about the ones that are still there.
I didn't have much time to think about all the dr stuff until writting this out since directly after that appointment we headed to florida. And just writing about it makes me tear up. Lord how I love to see you working but I cant help but think im so ready for this to be over.
We had such a good time with my parents,who just moved to the sunny state:) There is soo much to do at my parents house down there and the kids had sooo much fun.We spent most of our waking hours outside riding bikes around the little town they live in,theres little to no traffic going through there so we rode the streets freely(if you've ever been to pinecraft you know what a special place it is) They played in mimis sandbox and little pool,we went to the beach twice,spent time with my grandma and just had a blast really.Saturday a good friend of ours (more like my little brother ) got married down there and I was co-ordinating the wedding, and my kids were both In it as mini bride and groom.So leading up to Saturday I was busy.Sat night I was exhausted and sunday I just relaxed.we decided to leave one day early since our church is having a womens conference this weekend and I have part and had practice Tuesday night .So we headed home Monday lunch time.Tuesday I spent the day cleaning up my house,unpacking,doing some laundrey etc. Tuesday night I had practice and didn't get home till late.Wednesday I had coffee with an old friend from pa..and what a good time it was.We laughed,we cried and we prayed together,She left my house and I felt so uplifted and encouraged. The things she prayed over me I felt God was answering already that afternoon. Jesus knows when we cant pray ourselves for the things we need..he sends our friends to pray it for us.What a mighty God we serve!!!! I did my grocery shopping yesterday afternoon and last night had practice again,that leads us to today...Did I mention ive been really busy?!:)
Matt went to the dr this morning and got his sling off FINALLY!!!"Oh happy day!"(happy day is Haydens favorite song an she walks around singing it all the time..go listen to it,and be happy:))
Tonight the womens conference starts..i am really excited about this..i have been feeling that God is going to do some incredible things in my life and the lives of these women this weekend and I am just so excited to see it unfold and to feel his presence and glory flowing throughout all of polk county.It wont be contained!
If you are one of our faithful prayer warriors,i just want to say thank you,and please don't stop... Matt not being at work has been challenging, We are learning so much about each other right now..being together literally 24/7..you kinda do . We still have so much to learn . Its hard not to forget each other..to remember that that face your seeing all the time is the face you love and can fall into...Its been especially hard for me ...with him being here all the time and not being able to do allot...I tend to carry everything on my own,and that's wearing,and tiring,and not how its saposed to be. Gods working on me there:)
I must go, the days not going to wait on me.:)
Please pray for me ,my family and all the women of FCC this weekend as we do this conference... Matt will be taking care of the kids,making suppers etc...he will need extra patience:) for my kids,that they don't give there daddy a hard time:) and for me,that I can enter in to His presence with joy,that Gods love and peace would radiate through me,both at conference and when I enter my home and that God would speak this weekend. That He would do amazing things.That his presence would be almost tangible....
Im singing on the worship team this weekend..for anyone that knows me knows how I love to sing... I just opened my bible to psalm 63 and read :"With singing lips,my mouth will praise you" beside it I wrote "singing lips best express a satisfied soul"
"Because your love is better then life,my lips will glorify You"Psalm 63:3
Now,go sing!:)
Jesus,today i thank you for fresh starts,for crisp mornings,for the energy I felt to crawl out of bed this morning.For my sister in law who drove in this morning and is staying with me for the weekend,for the tiny bit of peace and quite I am having right now as she took my kids out for a bit.Lord You just know...exactly what I need,exactly when I need it.That gives me every reason to trust you...You are all-knowing.Thank you.
I cannot even say how busy I have been...I feel like im in constant go mode!We had church camping 2 weeks ago(was that already 2 weeks??!!)What a good time we had,being with our church people,and just being in the outdoors.We all had such a great time.We came home from that and 2 days later Hayden had 2 dr appointments in Greenville.Her first appointment was with her new eye doctor she has to see because of the med shes on and the side effect it can have.We were soo happy to hear that not only are her eyes fine,but we don't have to go back again until February!(we were expecting to have to go monthly or even weekly.)After that we went to we infectious disease doctor. She was hapy to hear that Hayden is doing really well on her new med.Hayden seems to like dr Lacroix a little more everytime we go in and this time she was more then willing to let her feel around her neck area. Dr Lacoix said she thinks the nodes are melting but she still feels infected nodes in there, one is right behind her first surgery scar and then behind her 2nd scar she felt a clump of them(she said it feels like shes rolling her fingers over some grapes)the clump is the one we will watch. She didn't want to see her again until November(ptl for us!) but wants us to keep a close eye on it and if we see any change to bring her in right away. The part of not having to come back for a while was good news...the part about her still feeling them..not so much.That just means ,they are still there and from my understanding also means that were still looking at another at least 10 months on treatment. Oh how I HATE to think about that,and what all this treatment is doing to her tiny little body...We have an appointment with the surgeon again in a week and a half..and im curious to see what he thinks about the ones that are still there.
I didn't have much time to think about all the dr stuff until writting this out since directly after that appointment we headed to florida. And just writing about it makes me tear up. Lord how I love to see you working but I cant help but think im so ready for this to be over.
We had such a good time with my parents,who just moved to the sunny state:) There is soo much to do at my parents house down there and the kids had sooo much fun.We spent most of our waking hours outside riding bikes around the little town they live in,theres little to no traffic going through there so we rode the streets freely(if you've ever been to pinecraft you know what a special place it is) They played in mimis sandbox and little pool,we went to the beach twice,spent time with my grandma and just had a blast really.Saturday a good friend of ours (more like my little brother ) got married down there and I was co-ordinating the wedding, and my kids were both In it as mini bride and groom.So leading up to Saturday I was busy.Sat night I was exhausted and sunday I just relaxed.we decided to leave one day early since our church is having a womens conference this weekend and I have part and had practice Tuesday night .So we headed home Monday lunch time.Tuesday I spent the day cleaning up my house,unpacking,doing some laundrey etc. Tuesday night I had practice and didn't get home till late.Wednesday I had coffee with an old friend from pa..and what a good time it was.We laughed,we cried and we prayed together,She left my house and I felt so uplifted and encouraged. The things she prayed over me I felt God was answering already that afternoon. Jesus knows when we cant pray ourselves for the things we need..he sends our friends to pray it for us.What a mighty God we serve!!!! I did my grocery shopping yesterday afternoon and last night had practice again,that leads us to today...Did I mention ive been really busy?!:)
Matt went to the dr this morning and got his sling off FINALLY!!!"Oh happy day!"(happy day is Haydens favorite song an she walks around singing it all the time..go listen to it,and be happy:))
Tonight the womens conference starts..i am really excited about this..i have been feeling that God is going to do some incredible things in my life and the lives of these women this weekend and I am just so excited to see it unfold and to feel his presence and glory flowing throughout all of polk county.It wont be contained!
If you are one of our faithful prayer warriors,i just want to say thank you,and please don't stop... Matt not being at work has been challenging, We are learning so much about each other right now..being together literally 24/7..you kinda do . We still have so much to learn . Its hard not to forget each other..to remember that that face your seeing all the time is the face you love and can fall into...Its been especially hard for me ...with him being here all the time and not being able to do allot...I tend to carry everything on my own,and that's wearing,and tiring,and not how its saposed to be. Gods working on me there:)
I must go, the days not going to wait on me.:)
Please pray for me ,my family and all the women of FCC this weekend as we do this conference... Matt will be taking care of the kids,making suppers etc...he will need extra patience:) for my kids,that they don't give there daddy a hard time:) and for me,that I can enter in to His presence with joy,that Gods love and peace would radiate through me,both at conference and when I enter my home and that God would speak this weekend. That He would do amazing things.That his presence would be almost tangible....
Im singing on the worship team this weekend..for anyone that knows me knows how I love to sing... I just opened my bible to psalm 63 and read :"With singing lips,my mouth will praise you" beside it I wrote "singing lips best express a satisfied soul"
"Because your love is better then life,my lips will glorify You"Psalm 63:3
Now,go sing!:)
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